I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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