My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He passed out mid-signature
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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