i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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