I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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