Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
