I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
