No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
