Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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