Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
