this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
