i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
