we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
