...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
