the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
