we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
