i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
