I am puke
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
