I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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