We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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