im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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