Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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