david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
