how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
