the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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