sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
