New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
