I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
