There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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