Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love having hate sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
