I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
