i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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