Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
