hotel room ftw
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
