Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
