I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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