You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
