whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
