I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize