You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
