I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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