well I can't set my house on fire every night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
