they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ladies don't puke and tell
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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