So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
