I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
