I think I died a long time ago.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
