last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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