Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
