all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
