I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
