I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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