Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
