i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
