All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
