I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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