i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
