This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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