No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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