my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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