I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
