i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
