we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
