I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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