God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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