morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
