Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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