but the lizard people decide everything anyway
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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