she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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