Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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