Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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