I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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